Inside I’m screaming “I’m too young to be this old!”
I feel better than I have in years. Not that I was really feeling bad, I just wasn’t feeling great. But with almost 25 pounds off, no sugar, dairy, grains or processed foods in three months, I feel great. I’ll write another blog about the eating stuff, but I can tell you it doesn’t matter how much you work out, if you don’t have your nutrition right, you are spinning your wheels.
I’ve done martial arts for thirty five years. But not anymore. One hip replaced, the other one bone on bone. Surgery on one shoulder, both shoulders still have issues. Knee surgery. And my darn torn quad is still giving me fits twelve years later. I have to acknowledge that martial arts and my overachiever personality contributed to the state I am in today. So I’m letting go of a huge part of my life, a huge part of my identity. And because everything else in my life is so good, I’m ok with that.
Before, I needed the challenge of martial arts to boost my ego and self confidence. I craved the sense of accomplishment of learning new stuff, forcing my body to do things that I never thought possible. There is something deeply satisfying about teaching, about being fully immersed in martial arts and owning a school. Owning a school can also kill your love of the martial arts if you let it, and I came close. That is another story and another blog.
I love Crossfit. Well, that may be overstating it a bit. I love the way I feel AFTER I have done Crossfit. Most days actually doing Crossfit sucks big time. But that is a price I’m willing to pay. I love the encouragement and camaraderie at 6:45 in the morning. And I have to say, Alison is the bomb. She watches me like a hawk, and makes sure I have my butt stuck out when I’m doing squats. Who could ask for more?
I thank God everyday that Steve and I are together. I’m not going to get all sappy about soul mates and true love, but we talk about that pretty frequently. There is a comfort and ease about our relationship that is very deep. We both know how fortunate we are, and we cherish and protect what we have. It’s good to be loved and to love without reservation.
People think I’m joking when I say I don’t like kids and never wanted any. I’m not joking. I never wanted kids. I guess I like them OK now. Some of them more than others. In moderation.
With a couple of breaks, I will have had a child under the age of 18 living with me from the time I was 24 until I am 64. I wouldn’t change a thing. My life is so much more full and blessed because of my kids.
David is now almost 35 years old. He has turned into a hardworking mature man and a great dad. Kat will be 29 in January and is kicking ass at the University of Louisville. Keely just turned 10.
Steve and I get a lot of joy from Keely. Who would have thought, at age 61 and 55, that it would be so rewarding to have a 10 year old? I think we would feel pretty young anyway, but she cements the deal. We plan trips and excursions around and for her, so we wind up doing stuff we never would have thought of doing if it was just the two of us. She insists on sitting between the two of us on the couch when we watch TV. She crawls in to bed with us every night for snuggle time. Hugs and kisses and “I love you”. Lots and lots of smiles. We love those rituals and realize that she will be gone in a flash, so we enjoy it all while we can.
However I still heartily dislike Halloween. Do you know how many times I’ve had to drag my butt trick or treating over the years?
There are friends in my life that I know I can depend on. Some of them I talk to frequently, others not so much. But those friendships are like having jewelry in a box, I know they are there. Some I pull out more frequently than others but they are all precious to me.
I’ve learned that it is really important to acknowledge my happiness. It may be as simple as telling myself how lucky I am to get to see the sunrise when I’m driving in to Crossfit. Or the smiles we exchange when we watch Keely harvesting the celery that she planted and making her own celery and peanut butter snack. Driving down the road holding hands. Sitting in the sunroom with coffee, the newspaper, and a tangle of dogs, cats, and Keely. There are going to be times when everything is not all sunshine and rainbows. Those times are a lot easier to take when I have a reservoir of happiness and contentment to draw on.
Steve asked me what I wanted for my birthday. You know, I couldn’t think of a thing? I’ve got everything I could possible need or want. I have the wisdom to know that happiness isn’t tied up in things. Happiness is the people around me.
Well, we had to come up with something for Keely to get me, because that is important for 10 year olds. So I made the suggestion, and Keely and Steve ordered a t-shirt for me. Keely wrapped it for and gave me a card. The artwork made it extra special.
Life is Good.