I’m bitching and whining, either to myself or to anyone that I can get to listen. I dread this surgery. I dread going in to the hospital. I dread the waking up and my leg not working. I dread coming home and not being able to sleep in my bed. I dread crutches and cane.
Lilly is coming over to stay with Keely for the two nights we will be in Denver. I’m getting the house cleaned up so that I do not come home to a dirty house. I hate housework in principal anyway, and cleaning house so it will be clean when I get back from the hospital really pisses me off. I’ve got food cooked and frozen so that none of us starve after I get home and don’t feel like cooking.
Per doctor instructions I quit taking all vitamins and supplements several days ago. Which means I’m having hormone swings and hot flashes and I am using every bit of self-control not to be a major bitch. Probably cracked my teeth gritting them the last few days.
I have no patience. I’ve had headaches and I can’t take anything for pain. I’m sneezing my head off and I can’t take allergy meds.
I’m rubbing an anti-bacterial solution on my hip and putting antibiotic ointment up my nose twice a day to lessen the chances of getting that flesh eating disease that is rampant in hospitals.
I am not happy.
There is almost a sense of mourning as I go about my last few days. I was in the garden yesterday and realized it would be my last time. Someone else is going to harvest the rest of the year because I won’t be able to. It pisses me off.
Saturday was my last day to go riding with Lilly and Ann. It was a gorgeous day, we went to Beaver Creek and met up with other horse people. There was actually water in the creek and we got to splash through it. Some of the horses had never been in water. We ended up riding for about five hours. That ride also reinforced that I needed to get my hip fixed because I thought I was going to die on the ride home, and for the rest of the day for that matter. I was very aware as I put Maestro up that I wouldn’t be seeing him for the next few weeks. No way do I want to get accidently bumped by a horse.
Speaking of being bumped by a horse…I’ll have to be really careful around Brandi. Our sweet, gentle English Mastiff weighs 180 pounds and she is clumsy. She also likes to lean on her humans. So I’ll have to stay away from her for a while.
We will bring my little recliner upstairs today. I learned with the other surgeries that trying to sleep in bed after a major surgery is not a great idea. I toss and turn a lot under the best of circumstances. Waking up in screaming pain every few minutes because I tried to roll over in my sleep is not a fun way to spend the night. I can’t roll over in the recliner, therefore I don’t toss and turn, and therefore I sleep better. I’ll sleep in the recliner for as long as it takes to get comfortable in a bed again. I don’t remember how long that took before but I’m thinking it will be a week or two. That makes me sad. I love getting in bed with my husband and snuggling, touching throughout the night. Steve has already said that he will sleep in a chair or on a couch to be close to me. So neither of us will be getting great sleep.
I’m going to have another big scar. Guess now the hip scars will match. I wonder if I can ask Dr. Haas to make his incision about the same length as my other one so that I won’t look lopsided.
It’s my right leg so I don’t know how long it will take before I can drive.
Yes, I’m just wallowing is self-pity right now. And I’ll wallow a lot during the next few days. Then I’ll get tired of that feeling and wallow less. That’s the process. Unfortunately I’m getting experienced at this process. Woe is me woe is me.
OK, enough of all of this. I’ve got stuff to do.