“You look awful, fat and old.”
“You look like a beached whale.”
“Why would anyone want to see you naked?”
“You are fat and lazy.”
“Everyone in this room looks better than you!”

Would you let anyone, I mean ANYONE talk to you like that? If you didn’t haul off and bitch slap them as soon as the words were out of their mouth you would have better self control than I do.

So if you wouldn’t let your dearest friend or even your mother talk to you like that, why do you allow yourself to have that dialogue?

Admit it. At some point in time you have indulged in negative self talk. And it probably sounded something like the quotes above. You might even have voiced those thoughts about yourself out loud to a friend, in a joking manner of course.

Do you have any idea how damaging that is?

Rule 101 of making a change in your life is changing how you think. But it’s not that easy is it? But I’m here to tell you, you HAVE to make that change. If you are trying to change how you look, you have to change the way you think about food and exercise. Here are some paradigm shifts I’ve made these last few months.


Instead of:
“I have to go work out on the damn stair climber.”
I think:
“I get to go workout for an hour, read, and listen to music turned up really loud!”

Steve brought a stair climber machine into our relationship. I hated it. I respected his discipline for getting on that sucker for an hour one or two times a week, but it was not “my thing”. I like martial arts, and challenge, and…all those other excuses I came up with.

I don’t have martial arts classes here in Colorado, and yoga doesn’t give me enough of a cardio workout. I’m not supposed to do a lot of running because of my hip replacement, and walking is a total bore. After months (maybe years) of listening to Steve lecture about how good the stair climber would be because it gives me a cardio workout without impact yada yada yada I finally made a commitment to myself to do it for 30 minutes three times a week for a month. It also helps that we have the equipment in the house when it’s 25degrees below zero.


Now I look forward to my sessions. I use words like “I get to go workout now.” I use the highest level for an hour six or seven days a week. And I get an hour of reading and music all by myself. Win/win.


This one is huge. If you have battled with food and food addiction at any point in your life, you know how dysfunctional your relationship with food can become.

During the periods of eating healthy, I would feel good about what I was preparing. But I didn’t have a lot of fun eating it. And in the back of my mind was the vision of all of the things I was missing out on, because what I was eating did not satisfy me.

When I was cooking things that actually tasted good, I felt guilty. You know what I mean. There is the feeling of joy and delight of “OMG this tastes so good!” mixed with “This is bad for me and is going to make me fat.”
Food was not my friend. And the love/hate relationship was making me really screwed up.

I’ve talked about this before, but I will say it again and again. The cookbook WELL FED by Melissa Joulwan 20 CHANGED MY LIFE. Paleo eating works for me. I already knew that. But as a foodie, the idea of just eating meat, vegetables and fruit for the rest of my life was dismal. Enter WELL FED and Melissa into my life. I love every single thing in her cookbook. I cook out of it every day. I serve her food to guests to rave reviews. I can eat this way for the rest of my life. I WILL eat this way for the rest of my life. Check out her website

I love buying tons of vegetables and feeding them to my family. I love preparing meals for guests and they want to know where the recipes came from. I love seeing Steve and Keely dig into a huge plate of food that is good for them.

I don’t hate food anymore. And the funny thing is, I don’t miss the stuff that I used to crave when I was dieting.

After reading the book IT STARTS WITH FOOD by Melissa and Dallas Hartwig I understand that I had to get all of the sugar and dairy and processed foods out of my system and out of my house. Because my body is getting all of the nourishment it needs, I don’t have cravings. I can sit in front of a bowl of potato chips and a cheesecake and not even blink. Check out their groundbreaking website


I now look at food as good for me. I eat as much of it as I want, without guilt, and I’m not hungry. I love cooking again because I know I am giving joy and delight to those who eat the food, and I’m not damaging them.

So take a listen at how you talk to yourself. If you are not happy with the way you look and feel, take a look at your activity level and what you are eating. Commit to making a change.

And one last thought.

If you had a friend that invited you to lunch and then changed her mind week after week, what would you do? You would roll your eyes when you got the phone call and not even bother to put the lunch date on your calendar, wouldn’t you? Her promise means nothing to you because you don’t trust her.
So think about what happens every time you lie in bed and think “Tomorrow I’m going to eat clean.” “Tomorrow I’m going to work out.”

When you break those internal commitments you develop an attitude of negativity and distrust. You HAVE to honor your commitments to yourself. If you tell yourself you are going to work out for 30 minutes, do it. I don’t care if you have to get up 30 minutes earlier, or skip out on your favorite TV show. Follow through on your internal commitments so that you can trust yourself again.


    • Wayne, I guess I should have clarified the “no martial arts classes” comment. There are no daytime classes that I want to take. I’ve trained in martial arts for 35 years, owned a school for ten. I’m pretty choosy about who I will train with, and I refuse to be away from my family at night. That has narrowed the field to 0. I’m doing crossfit 4 or 5 times a week, and I’m finding that I don’t have as many joint aches and pains. (I’ve had hip replacement, shoulder surgery and knee surgery so pain is something that I am very familiar with)
      The turning point for me was being able to read on my Ipad while on the stairclimber. Made a huge difference.


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