I was told the other day via a comment on my blog “Free Rent In Your Head” ( the comment is unpublished because it is from my Whackjob Stalker and I don’t publish any of her crap) that I was not a very forgiving person. In the blog, I mentioned that I am no longer in contact with certain members of my family. The comment from WS was ” You do not come across as a forgiving person. If you were forgiving, you would still be in contact with all of your family regardless of what they did.”

Let me explain something to you. Getting some people out of your life is self defense. It is self defense at the most basic level to remove poison from your environment. I forgave them a long time ago. I don’t hate them, I don’t spend a minute thinking about revenge. I don’t wish them harm and I honestly hope they get their shit together and have a happy life. But I will not allow them to hurt me or mine anymore. I would be stupid as hell not to learn from the legion of chances that they were given to do the right thing and they chose to continue to lie, cheat, steal and do drugs. When they steal from my parents as my father is dying I have had enough.

What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result

Note To Whackjob Stalker: I don’t spend time sending people emails under bogus names. I don’t spend time rehashing stuff from years ago and continuing to spew venom like you have all your life. I read your stuff, laugh, and delete it. But believe it or not, I hope you find someone you can be happy with. Live your life! Enjoy your adventures! But you may want to keep on with the counseling for a while because you are giving me free rent in your head.

I have a friend, let’s call her Helen. She has a so called friend that is really doing a number on her head. She slept with Helen’s husband after they separated. ( they were separated so it was ok, right?). Now she has decided Helen’s new boyfriend is not the right guy for her. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he is good looking and totally devoted to Helen? She is blatantly flirting with him and not getting any results.

I had this same kind of thing happen when Steve and I were dating in Little Rock. Look ladies, friends don’t try to fuck your boyfriend or husband. They don’t make subtle or unsubtle overtures. And when you are in a solid relationship your partner recognizes what is going on and is OFFENDED that someone would think that he or she is so shallow that they would hook up with your friend.

So Helen is asking herself if what she senses is what is really happening. Why would her friend do this? Shouldn’t she feel confident enough not to feel threatened?

What does all of this mean?

What is means is this chick is NOT YOUR FRIEND! Friends don’t sleep with your ex husband. Friends don’t flirt with your boyfriend. They don’t try to control and manipulate you.
They don’t make you feel bad about yourself. Good friends build each other up, they don’t look for opportunities to tear you down. They instill confidence not fear and doubt.

Take those same words and they are also the basis for a good relationship or marriage.

If you stay in the give and take of a toxic relationship dance, then you are dooming yourself to the same pain over and over. Some people have a hard time recognizing that. I understand. I had a relatively brief toxic relationship that made me feel like I had fallen down the rabbit hole. I didnt know which way was up. Took me a while to figure out what was going on, but when I did I got out. By the way I strongly recommend
” Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds Of Angry And Controlling Men” by Lundy Bancroft.

It’s like picking at a scab for some people. It hurts but they can’t stop doing it. The the wound gets infected and the pain is worse. Plus it takes longer to heal.

Put a band aid on it and FORGET ABOUT IT! OR HIM. OR HER.

QUIT reading the emails. QUIT responding to the texts. UNFRIEND them on Facebook. QUIT taking the phone calls. Just QUIT.

Life is too short.

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