Trust Part I

Trust and Honesty

Anyone that has been in a relationship knows how important trust is. But how honest should you be in a new relationship? Do you have the need, the right, to burrow completely into your partners thought process and history? I’m not talking about an established relationship, for that is a whole other story. I’m talking about the man or woman you have been dating for a few weeks or months and you are starting to think that they may be “the one”. May. Might. Maybe.
New relationships are full of landmines. You want to know everything about the other person, you want to know what makes them tick. But if you are smart, you are looking for red flags to clue you in on the true nature of the person you are seeing.
We all wear masks. And nowhere is the masking more active than in the beginnings of a relationship. Do you go out on the first date with unwashed hair and ratty clothes? Of course not. You spend time making yourself look as good as possible.
You want to put your “best face forward”.
It’s no different when you start to divulge the stories of your life. Most of us are not going to lead off with the stupid shit that we have done, or the mistakes we have made. Well, I take that back. Some people want to talk about their ex on the first or second date. For me, that was a huge red flag that there was still a lot of baggage there and that was my cue for an exit from the relationship.
Timing is important. Balance is important.
It’s not easy to admit that you are not perfect and that you have made mistakes. It’s not easy to admit that you have hurt someone or have done something incredibly stupid. It’s really hard to admit that you were weak and that you were hurt.
I think there needs to be a foundation of respect and affection before you start telling all the dark stuff of your life. You need the balance of knowing the good and true before you view dark and the ugly.
So when is it safe to start laying yourself bare? And just how much of your past do you divulge?

2 Comments on “Trust Part I

  1. That’s the toughest question ever. when do you let them see you in sweats and when do you tell him the necessary ugly stuff. After 20 years there are still things I haven’t told Alex. I don’t hide them, I just don’t want to admit what an idiot/jerk I was when I was 22. Ok, I say you have to wait until at least the 4th date. Cause I sure don’t want a guy telling me how broken hearted he was when his wife left him on the first
    date.

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    • So fourth date huh? The timing is really tricky. If you wait too long then the other person feels you held out on them and lied. If you tel them too soon, they may bail out because they don’t know you well enough to know you aren’t an ax murder. Dating is tough.

      Like

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