FREE RENT IN YOUR HEAD

Have you ever noticed how some people just can’t let stuff go?  They just want to wallow in self pity and negativity and they want to bring you down to their version of hell with them.  I don’t want to be around people like that.  Do you?

Years after a divorce, a friend is still bitching about what his wife used to do.  She has remarried, and he has too.  They both have new lives, and I bet that both would say their life is better now.  So why keep bringing up all the bad stuff?  I don’t want to hear it.  I like his ex.

I was talking to someone the other day who was bringing up stuff about her ex from 20 or 30 years ago.  They haven’t been together for three years, but she could still recite chapter and verse of his transgressions.  How many times has she thought and talked about this stuff if she can still remember it so well?  Why in the world would she want to keep hanging on to all of that negativity? He has moved on with his life.  She obviously hasn’t.  She is playing the victim role to the hilt.  Wallowing in it.

Free Rent.

She is giving him free rent in her head.  There she is, stewing about this stuff, and he is living his life, oblivious.  Who is she hurting?  Not him, that’s for sure.

I know what I’m talking about.

A story from a long time ago…

Charles and I sold our company for $2,500,000.  We took the money in stock, because the people buying our agency convinced us that we were going to go public in a few years and our stock would be worth a lot more money.  I’d started that company by myself.  Kathy was born on a Friday and I was back in the office on Monday with her in a basket by my desk.  Charles joined me a couple of years later and we grew that company into a national company.

I remember talking to one of the guys, Rick, and telling him that I didn’t like not having control of my business.  I can remember very clearly what he said “Michelle, we are not spending this kind of money to buy your book of business.  We are buying you and your relationships, and your ability to build a business”.

With that reassurance, we did the deal.  We were the largest individual stockholders, owning more stock than any of the people above us in the organizational chart that were in the home office.  We were making six figures each and we going to conquer the world.

Flash forward less than two years.  Intercompany politics had just about killed us.  I had over 250,000 Delta points because I was traveling all of the time.  I got wind of a deal they were going to do that I knew would devastate the company.  I told them it was a bad deal and we got fired.  We weren’t “team players”.  We couldn’t sell the stock and the company went into receivership about a year later.  We never got our money and we almost had to take a bankruptcy.  It was a really dark time in my life.

Was I pissed?  Oh yeah I was.  But I looked at the decisions that we made, and they were good decisions with the information that we had.  And there was nothing I could do to change what had happened.  Nothing.    So I wallowed in anger and self pity for a couple of weeks and then I got on with rebuilding my life.  If I had stayed angry, if I had stayed depressed, then I would have been a victim.  And I am not a victim.

I knew I could not live with the kind of anger and desire for vengeance that I was feeling.  I would become a bitter negative person.  I was not going to let this action define my life and who I was.  I wasn’t going to let them have free rent in my head.

That’s when I bought the Taekwondo school and started in a new chapter of my life.

I could tell more stories, but we all have them.  Some include my family.  I don’t talk to some of my family members anymore.  Too much stuff has been said and done; they are out of my life.  Yeah, that might be harsh but that’s the way it is.  And I can think about it and talk about it if needed and I just feel sad that it has to be that way.  But I’m not going to let them live in my head rent free.

Anger is a killing thing:
it kills the man who angers,
for each rage leaves him less than he had been before –
it takes something from him.
– Louis L’Amour

If you are dealing with something like this, there are a lot of books that can help you.  Talk it out with a friend, a counselor.  Contact me if you like.  But bottom line you have to figure out how to let it go.  Don’t be a victim.  Fight it.

2 Comments on “FREE RENT IN YOUR HEAD

  1. love the “rent free” concept and you’re a very strong,forgiving person.

    Like

    • Thanks Katie. Love you a bunch and it’s like I told you before, you will always be my sister.

      Like

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FREE RENT IN YOUR HEAD

Have you ever noticed how some people just can’t let stuff go?  They just want to wallow in self pity and negativity and they want to bring you down to their version of hell with them.  I don’t want to be around people like that.  Do you?

Years after a divorce, a friend is still bitching about what his wife used to do.  She has remarried, and he has too.  They both have new lives, and I bet that both would say their life is better now.  So why keep bringing up all the bad stuff?  I don’t want to hear it.  I like his ex.

I was talking to someone the other day who was bringing up stuff about her ex from 20 or 30 years ago.  They haven’t been together for three years, but she could still recite chapter and verse of his transgressions.  How many times has she thought and talked about this stuff if she can still remember it so well?  Why in the world would she want to keep hanging on to all of that negativity? He has moved on with his life.  She obviously hasn’t.  She is playing the victim role to the hilt.  Wallowing in it.

Free Rent.

She is giving him free rent in her head.  There she is, stewing about this stuff, and he is living his life, oblivious.  Who is she hurting?  Not him, that’s for sure.

I know what I’m talking about.

A story from a long time ago…

Charles and I sold our company for $2,500,000.  We took the money in stock, because the people buying our agency convinced us that we were going to go public in a few years and our stock would be worth a lot more money.  I’d started that company by myself.  Kathy was born on a Friday and I was back in the office on Monday with her in a basket by my desk.  Charles joined me a couple of years later and we grew that company into a national company.

I remember talking to one of the guys, Rick, and telling him that I didn’t like not having control of my business.  I can remember very clearly what he said “Michelle, we are not spending this kind of money to buy your book of business.  We are buying you and your relationships, and your ability to build a business”.

With that reassurance, we did the deal.  We were the largest individual stockholders, owning more stock than any of the people above us in the organizational chart that were in the home office.  We were making six figures each and we going to conquer the world.

Flash forward less than two years.  Intercompany politics had just about killed us.  I had over 250,000 Delta points because I was traveling all of the time.  I got wind of a deal they were going to do that I knew would devastate the company.  I told them it was a bad deal and we got fired.  We weren’t “team players”.  We couldn’t sell the stock and the company went into receivership about a year later.  We never got our money and we almost had to take a bankruptcy.  It was a really dark time in my life.

Was I pissed?  Oh yeah I was.  But I looked at the decisions that we made, and they were good decisions with the information that we had.  And there was nothing I could do to change what had happened.  Nothing.    So I wallowed in anger and self pity for a couple of weeks and then I got on with rebuilding my life.  If I had stayed angry, if I had stayed depressed, then I would have been a victim.  And I am not a victim.

I knew I could not live with the kind of anger and desire for vengeance that I was feeling.  I would become a bitter negative person.  I was not going to let this action define my life and who I was.  I wasn’t going to let them have free rent in my head.

That’s when I bought the Taekwondo school and started in a new chapter of my life.

I could tell more stories, but we all have them.  Some include my family.  I don’t talk to some of my family members anymore.  Too much stuff has been said and done; they are out of my life.  Yeah, that might be harsh but that’s the way it is.  And I can think about it and talk about it if needed and I just feel sad that it has to be that way.  But I’m not going to let them live in my head rent free.

Anger is a killing thing:
it kills the man who angers,
for each rage leaves him less than he had been before –
it takes something from him.
– Louis L’Amour

If you are dealing with something like this, there are a lot of books that can help you.  Talk it out with a friend, a counselor.  Contact me if you like.  But bottom line you have to figure out how to let it go.  Don’t be a victim.  Fight it.

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