I had a great conversation yesterday with my ex husband Charles. He was bringing me up to date on some of the events in his life. He hosted several people at his house for dinner, and he spent some time telling them about Keely, Steve and me. He told them that he was so glad that Steve was in Keely’s life, and talked about how much Keely loves him and he loves her.
Yes, you heard that right. He likes Steve. He’s glad he is in my life. He is glad that he is in Keely’s life. I know some people think that it’s weird that we are still friends. They think it’s even stranger that Charles and Steve are friends.
Yeah, it was a little awkward at first. There were a couple of meetings in Little Rock before we moved, but we didn’t really spend a lot of time together. Then we moved to Colorado, taking Keely with us. Charles and I had joint custody, and the way we had the divorce degree worded, he had to give me permission to take Keely with me. I know how difficult that was for him, but he thought about what was best for Keely.
Our first Christmas here, Charles and David came out and stayed with us. David is my 34 year old stepson, but he has called me “Mom” since he was two. When he heard about the divorce, he called me and told me “Mom, you have been my Mom almost my whole life. You are still my Mom.” And you know what? No one told me, but I know that Charles told him that he didn’t have to take sides, that it was OK to still have a relationship with me even though his dad and I weren’t married anymore. That is the kind of guy Charles is.
So our first Christmas in Colorado was pretty interesting. Everyone had a good time, David and I got to have some good talks. Keely got to see her family (with the exception of my daughter Kat) all at once at Christmas. Charles got to do a good bit of the cooking which made him happy.
Steve and I have gone to Little Rock a couple of times. We stay with Charles in my old house. Yes, that’s a little weird, staying in my old guest room. But none of us let it be awkward. Because we are all adults, we genuinely like each other, and we all have Keely’s best interests at heart.
Kat stayed with us several times last summer. She is majoring in biology in Kentucky, so she and Steve got to talk “nerd talk” a lot. She loves him. She hasn’t called him yet asking for help with her homework, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see that happen.
I have several friends that are battling for their kids affection after a divorce. It breaks my heart when I hear the stories of how their ex-wives or ex-husbands campaign to put them down to their kids. Does that make you a better parent…to put down your ex? Look, you might not like them or love them anymore. But don’t say bad stuff about your kids mom or dad. Let them figure it out for themselves if they are really that bad.
And BTW, I’m now a grandmother. David and Krista are the proud parents of Kyle, and I get to see videos and pictures of that gorgeous little boy. I haven’t met him yet. Nor have I met Krista’s little boys that are now part of my family too.
I don’t think the heart needs to be limited on who it can love.