Discipline and Abusive Relationships

I’d like to write this as an” I AM” entry, but that would be dishonest. 

I could say that I AM Disciplined…in spurts.

I AM Disciplined…in some things.

But that is not good enough.

I’m a martial artist.  I’m a business person/school owner.  I’m a mom.  I’m an adult (at age 51 I can’t even say I am a young adult, I’m in full fledged adulthood here)

I tell myself that I am going to _____ (fill in the blank).  I have great intentions.  Maybe I do _____ a couple of times, or for a while.  Then I start slipping.  I come up with reasons (read: excuses) and the next thing I know I’m right back where I was. 

No, I’m actually worse off because I lied. 

I lied to myself.

I have students that tell me they are coming to class the next day.  And they don’t show up.  Now, I know that life gets in the way sometimes, but when that student consistently has something “come up” I have a tendency to not be surprised when they don’t show for class.

I have a friend that agrees to meet for lunch and then can’t make it.  Three out of four lunch dates are postponed. 

There is always a good reason.  But I start to wonder if it is really a reason, or an excuse.  Or even a lie. 

Action not following the words.  That can be a killer in a relationship, can’t it?

During the course of conducting self defense seminars for women, providing information about abusive relationships/domestic violence has become a very important component of what I teach. 

I’ve been reading a lot of books about abusive relationships and domestic  violence.  There are so many stories of women accepting their abuser back into their lives because they promise to change.   The abusers  do make changes for a little while, and then the behavior starts again. 

Sometimes action not following the words can actually kill. 

So what does an abusive relationship have to do with Discipline?

The killer is the lie.  The killer is the action not following the words.

If I tell myself that I am going to complete 150 pushups and crunches a day and I don’t.  I’ve lied to myself.

If I lie in bed at night and tell myself that “tomorrow I am going to eat healthy” and I don’t, then I lied to myself.

After a while, I don’t believe myself when I make that vow.  Actions not following words. 

I’m going to be very careful about what I commit to.  Because whatever I say I am going to do I’m going to write down.  And I’m going to do it.  No excuses.  No lies. 

I have to build an honest relationship with myself. 

 

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